There are some things you want in life more than taking a breath of air. Some things you want more than seeing a sunrise. Everyone has that one thing. Some are simple. Some are complex. But, we all have it.
Nothing in life has ever come easy. Nothing was ever given to me.
I’ve worked myself to the bone, almost to the literal bone, to where my feet felt as if the skin was splitting around the bones. I’ve worked through cracked ribs, dislocated fingers, temporary blindness, fluid-filled lungs, and more. I’ve worked when I was dying, slowly suffocating to death. Sick days are hard for me because I can’t make myself stop. I can’t let myself breathe or bask in any sort of relaxation. That is weakness. It is not in my nature. I was raised to never stop, to never give up… to never quit. To never start fights, but always finish them. To jump head first. To throw the directions out. To hold back tears.
Grit your teeth.
Bare the pain.
Stand up and carry on.
I’ve endured emotional and psychological abuse from people. I’ve given all of myself to them. I’ve worked until I was so tired that I never wanted to wake up. I’ve pushed far passed the realm of reason and sanity.
Being poor is the best and worst motivation there is. If you stop working, you have no money. If you have no money, you lose your house or can’t buy food. So you work through broken bones and exhaustion, but end up exhausted and hurt more.
I’m sure a lot of people who had a similar life keep waiting for that day where something, anything, comes easy. Where something is finally given, instead clawed for. Where everything you’ve done up until that point amounts to something great, when all the sorrow and exhaustion culminates to peace. But, that isn’t how life works.
Not for me.
Not for a lot of people.
I’ve come a long way from being that weary girl. The struggle and endless hustling paid off. I found peace, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that life has gotten easier. I’ve just gotten stronger.
Whatever you want in life is worth the fight. It is worth every tear, every bead of sweat, every sob, every breath, every weary step forward. Know that whatever you are doing now is worth it. You are worth it.
Nothing comes easy and if it is easy, it isn’t worth it.